A parents Job
It is important that teenagers understand that you don’t
have to have sex just because you have started dating. It is the parents’ job to teach their children this point, because
many teenagers think that sex has to be part of the dating process. This is an understandable viewpoint, because they regularly
get this message all around them: television, movies, magazines, and even from their friends.
Your child is not necessarily going to know the difference
between the image of dating in the media, and reality. Be sure to explain this difference clearly and frequently.
The difference between dating
and sex
From quite an early age, you can explain the difference between
dating and sex, stressing this point as often as you can. In this way you can help them to understand that the aim of dating
is about getting to know someone emotionally, not just physically.
Dating doesn’t have to mean sex
One way in which a parent can help their child to understand
that dating doesn’t have to mean sex is to suggest other things they can do on a date. You could suggest some ideas
to your child for fun things to do on a date, which do not involve sex. If they are kept busy, and passing the time enjoyably,
they are much more likely to say no to sex, rather than considering it out of boredom, as some teens do.
Teaching Teens that It is OK to Say No
There are in fact different ways to say no to sex, and you
can teach these to your child. They can then equip themselves with clever quips, and excuses. Excuses, however, will usually
only work once. Teens will face the same problems again and again if they do not make clear their opinions.
They need to learn to be clear and firm when they say no. They
should also understand that saying no should be sufficient by itself – they should not have to give reasons if they
don’t want to.
You can still teach your child about saying no to sex, even
if they have already had sex with someone. They should know that if they have any reason for not wanting sex, or feel uncomfortable
about it in any way, then they can and should refuse it.
Another important point to teach them is that it is not just
the first time that sex should be a special and important thing, but every time.
Safe sex practices
At the same time as teaching your teen about refusing sex,
you also need to ensure that they understand safe sex practices. However much you might want to, or try to, you will not always
be able to prevent your child from having sex, but what you can do is to help them to be safe when they do have sex.
Although
you cannot control whether, when, or with whom your child has sex, you can teach them a number of protective measures –
how to say no, to make good choices, stand up for themselves and remain safe.
